With the end of this year approaching, I can’t help but mentally sort through everything that’s happened in these past months. At the start of 2020, I thought I was off to a great year. I wasn’t entirely wrong. Define “great”. If there’s anything I’ve learned during the last two years, it’s that I have no hold over the future. This year was particularly challenging for that very reason: 2020 didn’t match many of our expectations. As much as I’ve managed to rid myself of imagined outcomes, I still hope. I hope for a better future, I hope for love, I hope for fairness. But I’ve slowly come to accept that “great” doesn’t exclude sadness, misery, ugliness. “Great” is what we make of them. Sometimes, the most impactful transformations and changes occur in the midst of difficult times. The “ugly” is always present, it just hides under stillness. The tides have finally cured us of our blindness.
On a more personal note, here is a recap of my 2020: I dated cool people. I made new friends. I stopped being afraid of existing. I grew. I went through heartbreak. I listened to good music. I learned to accept rejection. I got accepted to study for my dream job. I dealt with failure and deception. I read amazing books. I experienced immense sadness. I got to follow my dreams. I honored my creativity. I experienced loneliness. I appreciated the value and importance of friendships. I went through rejection. But most importantly, amidst all of that, I was finally able to fall in love with myself (which I can proudly check off of my 2019 New Year’s resolution list).
P.S. I initially wanted to write something poetic/well thought out to close off the year, but this felt more authentic. That being said, I’d like to start off the new year by raising my imaginary glass to vulnerability, openness and empathy. Cheers and take care. See you in 2021. xxx